It's not like I thought nothing hard would ever happen to us. I wasn't so Disney brain-washed that I thought we'd never fight. I just didn't think we'd ever fight like this about him being so dissatisfied with our life that he became a sex addict.
At the time of this writing, we've been married nearly 8 years and though the addiction was always present, it wasn't something we always understood.
About 3 years ago we'd been meeting with a counselor about this "problem" that kept popping up (and being quickly resolved with a "dang, I can't believe that happened again. Well NOW I'll never do it again....I mean it this time.") and that counselor referred us to a 12-step group. That's when we finally started calling it an addiction.
I happen to be married to what I affectionately call a serial confessor. He never lies and he's never tried to hide his behavior. In fact, he dumps his confession on me as soon as possible after acting out. I'm at work and get a text, walking out the door with my little ones and he lets me know as we leave, many times over a meal, or in the evening before we go to bed. He feels horrible and spirals into shame, and tries to make it right by being honest about it. Which really messed with me. Because isn't honesty what every WoPA wants?!?! Yes. but the trauma of disclosure day 3 times a week really compounded my issues.
Because I always knew, I've watched the addiction gain strength and my husband lose control. Both severity and frequency have increased and it has been painful to see him deteriorate. But there have always been moments. Glimmers of progress and tiny messages (from heaven if you ask me) that it's worth sticking this out. There have been many many dark days, months (years even) when neither of us knew why we were still married or if we wanted to be. Our relationship became broken
As with all things (in my life at least) there are good days and bad. Healthy responses and unhealthy binges. We feel connected, united and ready to fight some days, and other days we want to figuratively and literally pull the covers over our heads and pretend there's nothing out there.
We've been involved with a bunch of different programs, individually and together. Sometimes just me dragging him, sometimes he's excited and willing to participate. But each thing we've done (12 step, dailies, therapy, group therapy, Addo, emotional release work) has given a new piece of understanding for both of us.
We have adorable children, good jobs, and extraordinarily loving support systems (individually and together). We've been blessed with all of the things we need for full recovery, and I truly believe that one day all the pieces we have will come together for us.
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