Resources

John 8:12   
Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

This is a call to everyone -- educate yourself, educate your children, educate your family, educate your friends. In darkness the worst things thrive and grow -- in the light they wither and die.

We need to leave the comfort of the dark behind, and become educated; study, pray and search to understand the threats against our family and homes. With Christ leading us we can walk in the light, and no longer dwell in the dark. Don't let a lack of education keep you from protecting yourself and your family when it comes to pornography and pornography addiction.

Whether this directly affects you or your home, know that it is affecting someone you love. This is reaching into every life, impacting good people we all love and care about. Great men and women, who love their families, and who often hate the addiction they are trapped in more than words can say. We are called to comfort those who stand in need of comfort, and mourn with those who mourn. We are only able to do that when we have opened ourselves up to learning and understanding what this trial is and how it's affecting others -- I can promise you that if you will educate yourself, arm yourself with resources and understanding, then you can be an angel in the life of someone suffering in the darkness.

(Many of these resources are aimed at an LDS (Mormon) audience, or written by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints -- but we feel the information is fairly universal, and we invite all people, of all faiths and backgrounds, to seek after truth and understanding wherever we can find it.  As in all things recovery, take what works and resonates with your heart and follow the path that God leads you on.)


"The Silent Sin -- Enslavement of Pornography"
This article was published in the Church News in 2003.  Many of the statistics quoted have jumped dramatically in the last 10 years -- but the story -- the story of how this affects a person and a family -- is still as poignant as the day it was written.
http://www.ldschurchnewsarchive.com/articles/44743/The-silent-sin-enslavement-of-pornography.html


Understanding Addiction:
www.rowboatandmarbles.org
“Essays of Hope About Recovery from Sex and Pornography Addiction from the LDS Perspective”
A recovering LDS sex/porn addict who has an amazing ability to explain and share this trial in a way that opens eyes and breeds understanding.For more women and men than I can count, THIS was the resource that suddenly made everything click, that ‘ah-ha’ moment of, “OH, so that’s what we are dealing with!” 

www.salifeline.org (12-step Addiction Recovery for support person/spouse)
"Fighting pornography through education about addiction and support for recovery”
Under the “Help, a loved one” button on top there is an article called “The Effect of Pornography on the Spouse”. I cannot recommend this enough. SA Lifeline Foundation has also created a book called “Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction; A Resource for LDS Parents and Leaders” that is a great foundation for educating ourselves about this issue -- you can download it for free from their website (or purchase it for $15 online).
http://salifeline.org/bookstore-item/understanding-pornography/welcome-to-sa-lifeline#content
There is a non-denominational version of the manual as well:
http://salifeline.org/article/protecting-families-manual/welcome-to-sa-lifeline#content

Two minute video about pornography and its affect on society.
"We are determined to be the generation who pursues real love, and rejects its counterfeit. We will fight this new drug. And we will not rest until the world knows that pornography is harmful."

Dr. Jill Manning explained the problem with pornography use,

“Pornography use is not simply a habit, it is a mood altering, belief

changing, relationship damaging, addiction forming, socially harmful,

spiritually deadening and life crippling practice through which one

practices the ways of the adversary.”

FREE Programs:
www.addorecovery.com
Free 6 week course for women married to someone struggling with addiction. Complete with assessments, homework, feedback from a therapist, journaling assignments, and weekly meetings -- all free of charge. I know and have talked with many, many women through my work on this topic, and each of agreed that this was an amazingly healing experience.
They also have an online program filled with lessons, videos, audio recordings, meditation tracks, yoga videos, and so much more, all aimed at helping women dealing with this in their marriage, for a monthly subscription.

http://fortifyprogram.org/
Fight the New Drug has just rolled out their free addiction recovery online program for teens (and anyone under 21 years old). Fight the New Drug is one of the leaders in the fight to educate youth and teens about the effects of pornography and addiction. Generous donations are making it completely free.


Stats, Figures & Educational Content:
http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/get-the-facts
Fight the New Drug is a rapidly growing organization aimed at education teens and college students to the effects of pornography on the brain, on relationships and on society. It's a great place to get educated about this issue -- especially for teens. They also have recently started a support program aimed at teens, called "The Fortify Program"

How is Porn Addictive?
http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/media/i/how-addictive-is-porn

http://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

Do You Know the Difference Between Sex and Porn?  Download
http://healthysex.com/booksdvdsposters/posters/do-you-know-the-difference/

The Hazards of Porn Use. Download
http://healthysex.com/booksdvdsposters/posters/the-hazards-of-porn/


12 Step Resources for Addict and Spouse: 
Addiction thrives in isolation -- and often breaking their silence and talking to other people, especially a community of people who understand what they are going through, is a huge first step in recovery for many dealing with addiction.  Likewise, spouses (and parents, or other family members) of addicts find a great deal of support, comfort and compassion within meetings designed specifically for those affected by a loved one's addiction.

overcomingpornography.org (12 Step Addiction Recovery meetings – like AA)
This is the official LDS Church website. Here you can find local support meetings. There are meetings for families dealing with both ‘general addiction’ and specifically for ‘pornography addiction.’
 
www.healingthroughchrist.org (A 12-step workbook for spouses of addicts)
An LDS based 12 Step group, with a free downloadable workbook. This workbook is amazing, and there are 12 step sponsors available for those who want to actively seek after their own healing. 

SA & S-ANON
Sexaholics Anonymous, and its sister organization S-Anon, shares experience, strength and hope with men and women struggling with addictions that are sexual in nature (pornography, masturbation, sexting, etc.) and for spouses affected by these addictions. Many LDS men and women are finding hope and healing through this organization, with its clearly defined definition of sobriety, sense of community, its accountability and sponsoring program.

Why the 12 Steps?
http://salifeline.org/article/his-twelve-step/his-recovery#content

What is the difference between someone who has a so-called "porn problem" vs. someone who has an addiction?
"I wanted to top certain undesired behaviors (porn and masturbation), so I stopped. Then I stopped again. Then I stopped again. Then I stopped again. Then I stopped again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. 

I can't stay stopped. 

I am addicted."
- Andrew (Rowboat and Marbles)

Resources for LDS Women Dealing with Addiction 

http://www.healingheartsthroughchrist.blogspot.com/

http://www.bythelightofgrace.com/

http://www.beggarsdaughter.com 

"Being addicted to pornography does not make you evil. And demonization feeds the cycle. There is no compassion (therefore no redemption) in words like pervert or deviant or creep . . . We don’t need help hating our addiction. Or ourselves."

- Anonymous, on a CJane post from her pornography addiction series.

Experienced Therapists Dealing with Sexual Addictions:
(If you are passing on these resources, which I hope you are, I should note that these therapists are all located along the Wasatch Front -- though several can do sessions via webcam, for those who don't have access to sexual addiction therapists in their areas. Lifestar is available in many states.) 

www.addorecovery.com 
Therapists in Utah County who specialize in pornography addiction. While I  strongly recommend counseling for those going through this, I believe prayer and your own experience lead you to where you need to be, and I wouldn’t endorse one therapist over another (especially in this format). But, I include this company because they are doing something unheard of . . . they are focusing primarily on the healing of wives, and they’re offering a remarkable 6 week women’s group (held in person in Lindon, or online for those who can't attend in person), complete with assessments, homework, feedback from a therapist, journaling assignments, and weekly meetings -- all free of charge. I know and have talked with many, many women through my work on this topic, and each of agreed that this was an amazingly healing experience. I would highly recommend this to anyone dealing with this in their marriage, and what do you have to lose?
They also have men's groups, which are often more affordable than other programs.
 
http://www.lifestarnetwork.com/

http://utahvalleycounseling.com/pornography-addiction/
 
http://lightsalongtheshore.com/
 
http://www.lifechangingservices.org 
Therapist Maurice Harker is located up in Davis County, but he has several programs specifically dealing with teenagers, both in person and some programs designed around text-based accountability program for teens. As well as groups for mother's who have sons/daughters dealing with pornography addiction.
 
http://www.suncrestcounseling.com/



For Wives of Addicts -- You Are Not Alone: 
For Wives -- You Are Not Alone
The resources in this google drive folder are created by wives of pornography addicts for other wives going through the same thing.  The main packet "For Wives -- You Are Not Alone" is a letter for wives, with a list of resources included, and there is also an 'Additional Packet Papers' file that includes more resources and information compiled and shared by wives going through this same trial.  There is also an LDS and a non-denominational version of the packet, as well as a few other resources shared by these women. 


Women's Stories of Addiction in Their Marriages: 
http://addorecovery.com/why-addo/stories/ 
Videos of LDS women who have been dealing with pornography/sexual addiction in their marriages.
 
http://rhyllrecovery.com/ 
Rhyll and her husband's story has been featured on KSL between Conference Sessions in the past. They've created the SA Lifelife foundation listed earlier to help combat pornography addiction, and this site is Rhyll's site focusing on the wives in these marriages.  

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another:
What! You too? I thought I was the only one." - C.S. Lewis 

If You Have Just Found Out About, or Suspect, an Addiction:

http://salifeline.org/article/how-pornography-affects-women/help-for-spouses
The Effect of Pornography on the Spouse of an Addict

http://www.togethernessproject.org/community-lessons.html
A series of lessons written by several renowned therapists specifically for women dealing with their husband's addiction, and their own healing form the ensuing betrayal trauma.  

http://rowboatandmarbles.org/letter-lds-wives-pornography-addiction
What every LDS woman needs to know about sex and pornography addiction.

https://www.lds.org/topics/pornography/audiences/spouses/healing-concepts-for-women-impacted-by-pornography?lang=eng 

Article on LDS.org by Dr. Jill Manning, "Healing Concepts for Women Impacted by Pornography."

https://www.lds.org/topics/pornography/audiences/spouses/what-do-i-do-if-i-discover-my-spouse-has-a-problem-with-pornography?lang=eng


Combating Pornography, on lds.org:
http://overcomingpornography.org/resources?lang=eng
This link takes you to all the articles and resources from the Combating Pornography section of lds.org.
There are tabs for Individuals dealing with addiction, Spouses and Family Members, and Church Leaders.  Under the resources tab, it breaks it down into Family Home Evening ideas, Manuals, Married Couples, Parents, Prevention, Primary Lessons, Recovery, Videos and Youth Lessons, as well as personal stories of those who've gone through this.

Reach Out to Others:
www.hopeandhealinglds.com (Moderated Forum/Discussion Board)
Linked from this website you can find a private forum for LDS women affected by a loved one's pornography addiction (wives, mothers, girlfriends). It is an active online community that welcomes any woman going through this trial with open arms. The moderator of this group has also spent countless hours gathering a nearly endless amount of resources sorted by category/topic.

http://ldsaddictionrecoveryblogs.blogspot.com/  
A list of LDS blogs from all sides of the issue.

http://www.togethernessproject.org/community.html 

Togetherness Communities are online and in-person, and are bringing women together to provide unity and healing to women who suffer from betrayal trauma.  

The Roots of Addiction:

 More information on "The Addiction Tree"

"If there is anything that I have learned . . . it is that [this isn't about porn.]  Addiction isn't about porn or sex or alcohol or gambling.  Those are just the [branches].  They can be plucked and removed and regrown again and again. The [branches] are just the method of medication.  They can be replaced and exchanged and have very little to do with the actual problem.  The tree will still be left and the enormity of it will be overwhelming . . . 

"You can [cut off those branches] as many times as you want.  You can swear to never look again.  You can promise that this drink is your last and you can profess your undying faithfulness to the One that you love.  But, you will never be able to keep those promises, until you first love yourself.   That is when real recovery begins."

"The most important thing to know about pornography addiction is that it's not about sex. It's not about pornography. That's just the symptom of it. This problem is really about pain management . . . People who have addictions are really just seeking God." --Geoff Steurer, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Lifestar Network

Suggestions for Leaders & Church Members:
Addo Advisors Program 
This free eBook from Addo Recovery and Dr. Kevin Skinner examines the varying degrees of addiction, how to assess it and recommendations for getting help.  There is also a video series for advisors at: http://addorecovery.com/advisor_videos.php

Help for Religious Leaders
http://utahvalleyaddictionrecovery.com/help-for-religious-leaders/

To My Relief Society President  
http://mormonwoman.org/2013/11/02/letter-from-a-wife-of-a-pornography-addict-to-my-relief-society-president/
 
Modern Day Pioneer Day 
http://awiferedeemed.blogspot.com/2013/07/happy-pioneer-day.html 

Modern Day Pioneers -- Letter to Bishops, Family, Ward Members
http://mwharkertherapist.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/modern-day-pioneer-women-survivors-of.html

What We Want Our Bishops to Know
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-8biaSNIgpATmlQdi1wMHpoZzA/edit?usp=sharing
Written by wives of those dealing with addiction.

For Our Sweet Bishops
http://www.bythelightofgrace.com/2013/09/for-our-sweet-bishops_17.html


Talking to Your Children About Porn: 
www.educateempowerkids.org

www.PornProofKids.org

Fight the New Drug -- We Need to Talk

Three Things You Don't Know About Your Children and Sex
http://www.annemariemiller.com/2013/08/19/three-things-you-dont-know-about-your-children-and-sex/

Conversations with Kids
This article makes the important point that it is imperative that we separate sex and porn -- these are not two sides of the same coin, one is a cheap crass mockery for what is beautiful and ordained by God.  "It can be difficult for parents to face, but children are naturally curious about sex . . . however, pornography is NOT the same as sex.  It is an unhealthy response to a healthy concern.  Make it clear to your child that your objection to pornography is not due to an objection to sex, but is instead due to respect for our bodies and respect for women.  One of the primary reasons children turn to pornography is budding sexual curiosity . . . unfortunately they end up getting an entirely inaccurate and often damaging picture."

Beating Porn to the Punch -- 5 Tips to Talk to Young Kids About Sex

Conversations the Build Trust
http://womenfordecency.org/blog/conversations-that-build-trust/ 

Moments to Share Values With Your Kids
http://womenfordecency.org/blog/9-moments-to-share-values-with-your-kids/

How I Taught My Kids About Pornography Addiction
http://womenfordecency.org/blog/how-i-taught-my-kids-about-pornography-addiction/

Don't forget to download the manuals at salifeline.org
http://salifeline.org/article/protecting-families-manual/welcome-to-sa-lifeline
http://salifeline.org/bookstore-item/understanding-pornography

Fight the New Drug is a website specifically targeted at educating teens and young adults:

http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/what-i-wish-my-friends-knew-before-they-started-watching-porn/

"Experts say as many as 40% of Americans suffer from a compulsive sexual behavior or addiction.  The average age of beginning addiction is 11 years old."
- LDS Church News


Talking with your children about porn:
This double sided handout is available to download for free.

Conferences:
http://utahcoalition.org/
UCAP Conference: Taking Charge of Change Protecting Children and Families from Pornography. "Pornography has devastating effects throughout society. You can encourage change for good by becoming aware of the risks of pornography, understanding the solutions, and learning to talk openly about this issue. We welcome speakers who are national leaders and local experts and will share insight into many aspects of this critical threat. Don't miss this opportunity to become more informed and prepared to help others and speak up about the harm of pornography. You are an essential part of the solution!"

www.togethernessproject.org
"The Togetherness Project empowers women whose lives are affected by the pornography addiction and/or infidelity of a loved one by providing encouragement, education and community. We are a sisterhood of love, validation, and the rarest of friends. Our semi-annual conferences feature renown sexual addiction therapists, professional counselors and inspiring individuals who offer honest, realistic and validating discussions that enable us to rise above our collective challenges together."



Brain Science About Pornography Addiction:
Donald L. Hilton Jr., MD speaks to Youth and Parents about Pornography (13 minute, aimed at easy understanding and younger audience)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ADYe5w75yk

BYU Pornography Addiction Conference 2012: Donald L. Hilton (90 minute video, brain science of addiction)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zW1Geov3GhU&feature=youtu.be

"The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TedxGlasgow"
In response to Philip Zimbardo's "The Demise of Guys?" TED talk, Gary Wilson asks whether our brains evolved to handle the hyperstimulation of today's Internet enticements. He also discusses the disturbing symptoms showing up in some heavy Internet users, the surprising reversal of those symptoms, and the science behind these 21st century phenomena.  This presentation may not be suitable for all audiences -- because it does not come from any kind of religious perspective it speaks more frankly about some things, and uses some terms, that some may find more objectionable.  It is still included in this list, because of how well it explains pornography addiction and some of its surprising symptoms in a short period than almost any other video I've found.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

"Addiction surrenders later freedom to choose.

Through chemical means, one can literally become

disconnected from his or her own will." -Russell M. Nelson

Pinterest Resources: 
Are you on Pinterest?  Mormonwoman.org runs a Pinterest page with information about healing and recovery from pornography addiction (for both addicts and loved ones), as well as information and resources for education about and prevention of pornography addiction 
www.pinterest.com/mormonwomen/pornography-education-prevention-and-healing-recov/
They also have another board, called "Teaching Children about Sexuality and Pornography Prevention" 
www.pinterest.com/mormonwomen/teaching-children-about-sexuality-and-pornography-/


Educational Slideshow & Lessons:
This slide show called "Protecting Your Home From Pornography" could be a great resource to teach a lesson about the basics of pornography addiction, or teach a Family Home Evening to older children.  Quotes from LDS scriptures and resources.

This was a Relief Society Lesson given in a Ward in California.
http://pornographyreliefsocietylesson.blogspot.com/

"We tell people if they have internet access in their home, they already have
pornography in their home." -LDS Family Services

Peer-Reviewed Research Articles:
Collection of research articles, current news and opinion articles about the harms of pornography:
pornharmsresearch.com 

Morality in Media: Porn Harms is the leading national organization opposing pornography and indecency through public education and the application of the law.  To find out more about their current projects, check out:
pornharms.com

"Research indicates that by their Senior year of High School, 100 percent of males have viewed pornography." -Fred M. Riley, LDS Family Services

Protecting Your Computer & Your Family:
Remember that no filters will stop someone who is looking for porn from finding it -- but they are imperative to keep your family from experiencing 'accidental exposures'.  There are constantly new and wonderful options out there, so do some research and find out what works best for your home.

http://www.opendns.com/
OpenDNS is free, and is great because it works at the modem, not the computer -- so that every device that uses your WiFi is covered -- tablets, iPods, other devices.  It covers everything and everyone who logs onto your WiFi.   Often used in combination with one of the following parental control software options (or any others like these.)

http://www1.k9webprotection.com/
K9 Protection is a free internet filter and parental control software for your home computers.

http://www.netnanny.com/
The #1 rated parental control software -- focuses on protection from pornography, online predators and cyberbullying.

www.covenanteyes.com
Focuses on 'Internet Accountability' -- tracking websites visited on computers, phones and tablets -- and sends them in an easy-to-read report to the 'Accountability Partner'.

Internet Filter Tips and Suggestions
http://www.commonsensemedia.org/advice-for-parents/internet-filters-tips


Book Recommendations:
He Restoreth My Soul by Donald Hilton
What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw
Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction (Free downloadable book listed above)
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means
Love You, Hate the Porn by Mark Chamberlain and Geoff Steurer
Confronting Pornography by Mark Chamberlain
From Heartache to Healing by Colleen and Philip Harrison
Overcoming Pornography Addiction by Kevin Skinner


Audio CDs: 
Let's Talk About the Elephant in the Room: How LDS Women Can Protect Families from Pornography (Talk on CD) by Dr. Jill C. Manning 

Strengthening Recovery through Strengthening Marriage by Dr. Kevin B. Skinner & Geoff Steurer, M.S., LMFT 
This is also available for free, among other audio tracks, if you're enrolled in a monthly program at http://members.addorecovery.com/plans/individual


Videos: 
Fantastic videos covering many, many aspects of addiction and recovery.http://salifeline.org/video/why-is-pornography-addicting/his-recovery

Healing a Relationship Damaged by Pornography
Geoff Steurer, an expert in the field of pornography addiction, provides helpful insights into why pornography is so damaging to a relationship. As well as how to heal a relationship that has been damaged by pornography.
http://vimeo.com/30749078


Lessons:
This was a Relief Society Lesson given in a Ward in California.
http://pornographyreliefsocietylesson.blogspot.com/


Downloads and Handouts:
Women around the country have been gathering resources, letters and personal stories at bit.ly/WimoXF


Feel free to contact me at owningourstories@gmail.com with any questions.