Dear Friend,
I am so sorry
that you have found yourself in a situation that warrants you reading
this letter. This isn’t a fun place to be and the circumstances that
have lead to it are traumatizing and painful. More than anything else, I
would like you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! I know the pain, the
betrayal and the trauma that results from a pornography or sexual
addiction. I also know the hope, the healing and the strength that comes
from finding my own recovery.
I learned growing up, that I was a
treasure. My body was a temple. I should save myself and share it with
the man I loved, and only him. Nothing in Family Home Evening or Young
Women's ever prepared me for the day that I would feel: not sexy enough,
not beautiful enough, not fulfilling enough. That was never in my
Sunday School lesson or discussed on Mutual Night. The idea that I may,
even though I had remained pure, feel like I was not enough, was never
even suggested. Yet the realization of this journey found me initially
feeling like I was not ‘enough’. I heard things that no wife should ever
have to hear and learned things about addiction, dopamine hits,
recovery and the Atonement. While in my PJs and forgetting to shower for
days, I gained a new vocabulary filled with boundaries, consequences,
disclosure, discovery, relapses, healing, recovery, ARP, SA, S-anon,
PASG, Lifestar, Addo Recovery, WoPAs and Betrayal Trauma. At first I
felt like nothing in my life ever prepared me to be “the woman scorned”.
However, finding my own recovery has helped me understand that not only
was I “enough” in every way, but I was also prepared to learn and grow
from this trial. I was never alone.
I have come to learn that my
anger, my pain, my hurt, and my feelings of inadequacy are valid. They
are normal. They are expected. There are thousands of women (and men),
just like me, who have walked this path before. They have worn the same
sweats for days. They have cried themselves to sleep at night.
Sometimes, just like me, they have asked their husbands to sleep
somewhere else, for their own sanity and serenity. Some women have
shattered his cell phone and even burned his underwear.
This is real. This really hurts. Your feelings are valid. And you are not alone.
At
the end of this journey, is a bright light. It contains peace and
forgiveness. It will not be tomorrow or even next month, but it is
there. It may contain a life with your husband or it may not. But, it
does contain guidance from the Lord. It does contain hope. It is filled
with love and peace. I have found a path that has deep rooted grooves
from the women who have walked before me. I have found that I can learn
from their mistakes and their successes. I have learned that I can lean
on them. I have come to know many of them personally and I love them all
and what they teach me. I love the support we give each other. I pray,
that you too, can find support. This is a hard road and it is full of
hard days and tender moments. Even if we want to remain anonymous, we
can still find love and support. We don’t have to walk it alone.
I
have found resources and support groups that have helped me along my
journey. I hope these things help you as much as they’ve helped me.
Please know that you are not alone and there is hope that you can find
happiness again. If you ever need a friend, please don’t hesitate to
reach out.
Much love,
Your friend
www.awiferedeemed.blogspot.com
Resources:
www.addorecovery.com
www.lifestarnetwork.com
www.rowboatandmarbles.org
www.salifeline.org
“What Can I Do About Me Him?” by Rhyll Croshaw
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